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Starcrash - Commentary, MST3K style - Pt. 8 (Garrett Gilchrist)

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An amazing film from 1978 starring the luscious Caroline Munro and her minimalist wardrobe of leather space bikinis. With David Hasselhoff as a Jedi Prince, and Christopher Plummer as the golden-caped Emperor of the Universe. An Italian Star Wars ripoff of the most blatant and inept kind, filmed in English, from a French DVD. Starcrash! Part 8 of my commentary on this bullshit. Christopher Plummer talks slowly, Count Zarth Arn talks loudly, Stella Starr puts on a cape, and they all stand there and do nothing. Thrill to the epic space battles, with special effects that nearly approach student film levels, and go on for ten hours. Thrill as some guys in stupid gold hats battle some other guys in stupid black hats, for ten hours. Help me ... help me .... In the tradition of Mystery Science Theater 3000, Rifftrax and Cinematic Titanic. See sexy space smuggler Stella Starr do battle with amazon women for no reason! See stop-motion special effects that look like they were done by Ray Harryhausen's blind retarded brother! With a score by four time Academy Award winner John Barry (James Bond films), who clearly needed the money. Caroline Munro is probably the only real reason to watch this film, but it is an incredibly hilarious movie, the perfect late-70s Star Wars ripoff to watch while drunk. I have provided my own MST3K-style commentary for this film. Frankly I think the movie is funny enough without commentary, but I hope I provide a few chuckles along the way. The creepy Marjoe Gortner plays Akton, who with his blonde perm and man-makeup looks like a hellish clone of Mork from Ork, or the Greatest American Hero. He apparently has all sorts of special powers which are never explained. There's also a green guy called Thor who no one likes, a cowboy robot who could be Darth Vader's redneck cousin, the hilariously evil Count Zarth Arn and his stop-motion robots who look sort of like Tinkertoy renditions of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. David Hasselhoff, playing Prince Simon, doesn't show up til toward the end, but the Baywatch / Knight Rider star doesn't disappoint, first wearing a goofy gold mask, then showing his skills with a lightsaber (!) .... Like most of the men in this film, he also wears an incredible amount of eye makeup. There are also some stupid cavemen. I preferred the Amazon Girls myself. Oh, and an embarrassed, confused-looking Christopher Plummer, as the golden-caped Emperor of the Entire Universe, has the ability to stop time! Apparently. His performance is wonderfully vague. Will the babelicious Stella Starr and redneck robot Elle defeat whatever they're supposed to be defeating? Who knows? Who cares? At least she dresses in a Vampirella - like leather space bikini for most of the film. I am aware that this film has already been "riffed" by MST3K fans before .... Mystery Fandom Theater (MFT3K) did a version, and there's another one on Youtube [Starcrash Media Center Theater]. I haven't seen these versions. I had chosen this film to mock before knowing that anyone else had tackled it. Of course it didn't stop me - a film like Starcrash cannot be stopped. Directed by Luigi Cozzi. With Marjoe Gortner, Caroline Munro, Christopher Plummer, David Hasselhoff. Commentary by Garrett Gilchrist.

Category: Comedy
Uploaded: July 5th, 2009 @ 3:36 am
Author: ocpmovie2

Length: 10:48
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Tags: starcrash star wars ripoff spoof mst3k comedy rifftrax cinematic titanic funny commentary stella starr caroline munro david hasseloff baywatch knight rider john barry christopher plummer sound of music cheesy bad 70s sexy amazon women